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My boyfriend is playing the guitar and singing for me right now. I love that boy so much. Today...I have been a bit under the weather. I slight fever and stuff. Being sick makes me mad, but anyway. Hmm...what did i do today. Got up around 11 , ate lunch, got in the bath tub. feel alseep in the bath tub. waited for nick to call me. then he did. and i think after he did, i may have half way passed out. not sure- but it doesnt really matter right now. then went and sat with him for a while and he babied me some becuase i wasnt feeling to hot. Then i listened to his band practice for a while. That was about it. I usually dont give a report of my day on here. Sorry for the choppiness of my typing and thinking tonight.

I am scared of life right now. Im scared they are gonna take him away from me. It will e so terrible. Im scared with out him here i will start cutting again and stop eating and just the old , sad Shelly will be back again. Im scared that I wont be able to let him know everything is ok and kiss his forhead and hold him when things are hard. Im scared things will to hard and i will lose him for good. I dont mean that as in im scared we will break up. That doesnt scared me beucasei know that wont happen. im scared he will do somthing irreversible and terriible to himself. Not that i think im so great and the onle thing that can make him happy. Its just that i do try very har to keep him happy. His happiness means so much to me. Dont leave me nick. Please. The thought of it makes me sick. I cant be that far apart fro you. I love you to much. I love you.