Nov 11, 2003
Im on the phone with nick and he cheered me up some , thank God. I love youI love you. I love you. Its a small world aftet all.
Posted at 04:33 pm by shells3
Nov 10, 2003
01. Full Birth Name: Shelly Marie Snell
02. Hair Color: brown
03. Eye Color: brown
04. Height Currently: 5'3- im 18 so i dont see growth in my future
05. Glasses/contacts: have glasses, but i dont ever wear them
06. Birthdate: 08-2785
07. StarSign: Virgo
08. School or Work: college
09. Siblings: yea
10. Siblings age: 15
11. Location: Sandersville Ga, Savannah Ga
12. College Plans: pleae dont ask
13. Any Piercing: yea ears
SOCIAL LIFE
01. Best Friend: Nick is my best friend and my love
02. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: yes
03. Current Crush: Ive had a crush on nick for a couple of years npw
04. Hobbies: worrying, reading, writing, not arithmatic
07. What Type Automobile Do You Drive: Harley
08. Are You Timely Or Always Late: right on time. maybe a little late
09. Do You Have A Job:
10. Do You Like Being Around People: depends on who the people are
STUFF
01. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: no
02. Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: yes
03. Do You Have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: nick gizzi
04. Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: no, i got him
05. Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: yes , Nick
06. Are You Lonely Right Now: at this moment, yes
07. Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: no
08. Do You Want To Get Married: nick said we are married. man , i love him
09. Do You Want Kids: yes
Who Do You Think Of When you Hear These Names:
Sean: john
Steve: dork
Pat: the it thing in that movie
Bobby: brown
Jessica: simpson
Elizabeth: middle name
FAVORITE
01. Room In house: mine
02. Type of music: rockish
03. Song: After all these years- silverchair- today anyway
04. Memory: i dont feel like thinking right now
05. Day Of The Week: friday, satterday , sunday
06. Color: black
07. Perfume Or Cologne: Night Blooming Jasmine
08. Flower: Lilly maybe, i dont really know
09. Month: July
10. Season: fall
11. Place to be kissed: lips, forehead, back
12. Location for dates: lol. Zazbys
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU:
01. Cried: ive cried in the last 48 minutes
02. Bought Something: yes
03. Gotten Sick: yes
04. Sang: yea
05. Said I Love You: yes
06. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them, But Didn't: no
07. Met Someone New: nope
08. Moved On: no
09. Talked To Someone: definitely
10. Had A Serious Talk: no
12. Hugged Someone: no
13. Kissed Someone: yes
14. Fought With Your Parents: YES
15. Dreamt About Someone You Can't Be With: no
16. Had a lot of sleep: nope not at all
Posted at 09:18 pm by shells3
I will never love a person the way i love you Nick. We are what love is meant to be like. When i look at his face i see my future all over it. I cant believe I am so lucky. I have never been lucky before.
Posted at 08:52 pm by shells3
A good title is so important
In exactly one month i will taking my last final exam, and then i will be out for Christmas. Oh happy day!.....not really. I woke up this morning in a great deal of pain , crawled to the shower, showered, and crawled out. At least i got to see nick one more time before i came back here. It felt so good to see him. It always does. This bigger font it better . I can read it easier.
10 things I love:
1. My wonderful boy. Nick. Life is so beautiful when im with him. I hate waisting my time away from him. He is so special.
2. When i get home at night, taking of my clothes, putting my hair in a pony tail and putting on a big t- shirt.
3. The way nick smells
4. The way i can rest my head on his cheast becuase im so short
5. When my phone finally rings at 3:30
6. Taking showers that are so hot that the steam takes my breath away
7. The way nick touches my face or pushes my hair behind my ears
8. Getting dressed up
9. Being sloppy
10.Taking baths in the dark and fallin asleep....the list could keep going. but it wont
10 things i hate
1. the way i feel like im just a little girl who wasnt ready for this whole college thing
2.Being painfully lonely while im here.
3. The way im letting down my parents by not loving this
4. THe way my friend can stop loving me, but i cant stop loving them
5. White plaster walls
6. The way i miss you so badly that its painful
7. People who speak really loud
8. The way i feel when i wake up in the morning
9. The way i feel like im the only one who cant deal with this
10.The way im alone and surrouned by people all that the same time Moday- THursday
I used to love to write , lately ive been missing it, but i associate it with unahappiness. so i never do it anymore. im not unahappy. that was an unorganized thought. oh well
I am learning alot about my inner workings. and ive never been more confused. i do know one thing. all in all im happy. thank you nick
Posted at 01:10 pm by shells3
Oct 1, 2003
Sometimes my world closes in one me, but then im back in reality
I want to go everywhere. I want to see the world. I want to learn about new places. I dont want to go alone. I want to go with Nick. I want to discover everything with him and fall in love with him in different places. I love him so much.
I hate being here so much sometimes. Its a strange thing to me. I feel so disconnected somtimes. But not in a good way. Like there is no world outside my small little box like dorm room. These white walls close in on me. Then nick calls me and im back in reality again. He makes me so happy. I havent gotten to talk to him much today. But he did call twice. That made me feel good. He told me he wanted to talk to me, and if he could he would call me. That is what i needed to here. It meant alot to me that he called me to say he couldnt talk.He knows how i worry. He loves me.
My cousin called me crying this morning becuase one of her friends died on she was on her way home so she could go to his funeral. She told me she loved me and she wanted to here my voice. Which made me feel good and terrible at the same time. Laura was my first friend. She loves me and i know it. In the last year or so though... I dont know. She was bitter that i was trying to better myself so she chose to alinate me, which hurt me alot. Im a little confused. I feel like im the one who has been the terrible cousin. But then i talk to nick and he brings me back to reality. She hurt me. But i will never not accept her love and friendship beucase lately i have realized people can be taken off this earth quickly, and i want to get as give as much love as i can while im here. Love is such an amazing thing to me and i want to make the most of what i have. I love you nick.
I am such a moody person. One minute all iwant to do is plunge my knife into my flesh and then the next minute in ok again. I havent written in along time. I dont have the urge to anymore. i miss it though. im scared it will terrible so i dont do it. I should go study.
Posted at 06:57 pm by shells3
Sep 18, 2003
I am so ready to get home. Im ready to put my arms around sweet Nicholas. I love him. Must go study....
Posted at 10:03 am by shells3
Sep 10, 2003
Sometimes things seem so clear. Sometimes i understand it all. Or so i think
I understand what my parents with through now. I understand that i caused them pain. All along i though i was only causing myself pain. All along my parents where hurting to. Every time i cut myself i cut them to. I would give my life for Nick. I would kill myself right here , right now. If that mean he would never shead another sad tear. I love Nick. More than i ever though i would love anymore. I didnt know that i knew how to love like this. God sent nick to me to save my life. I have known that for a while. Have i ever told you that? You are my angel from God, Nicholas. I can be your angel to. I can pull you out of this. There was a time tha i thought i wold be miserable forever and i could not fathom ever smiling when i wasnt faling it. I know its hard to see this nicholas, but this doesnt last forever. God gave us to each other. We are sould mates. I believe we have loved each other before and we will love each other again. Remember the night we sat in my car and talked about that? We give each other so much happiness. Everything can be so wrong in my life and then you put your arms around me. And all of a sudden its ok again. When you look at me . I see love in your eyes. I know you see that in my eyes to. Sometimes i feel like we are the only two people in the world who have ever had a love this strong. Isnt is strange how we just know? We know we are meant to love each other forever. I hate to sound stupid, but deep down , i think i knew from the very first time i was gonna love you. My head didnt know it. but my heart did. The heart knows everything. My heart knows you will be ok. I know it may be hard for you do see that. But i can be your angel the way you were mine. I know this in my heart. Een if you dont know it yours. You will one day. I am madly in love with you sweetheart. You know this. Everyone who looks at us can see we love each other . Its in our eyes . Its our bodies. Its in our heart. THey all know it. We know it. We have something very special my nicholas. Everything is going to be ok. Anytime you need me, I will drop everything and come and scoop you up and cary you away. you are the most important thing in my life. I am gonna help you with this. You dont have to be alone the way i was untill you came along. You are my true love. I love you. How did this become love letter/blog? I love you sweetheart.
Posted at 10:26 pm by shells3
This lack's any real though process
1. Name: Shelly
2. Age: 18
3. Birthdate: 08/27/85
4. Hair Color: Brown
5. Eye Color: Brown
6. Height: 5'3''- i like to say four inches,but its really 3 inches
7. Weight: anywhere from 98-104
8. Shoe Size:7
9. Siblings: litte sister- Shanna
HAVE YOU EVER
10. Hurt yourself intentionally: yes
11. Met Someone off the net: not met them in person
17. Skinny Dipped: yes
18. Been in a fist fight: hell no. Im not very big.
19. Been in the hospital: not over night
20. Seen a psychiatrist: unfortunaly
21. Broken a bone: no
22. Been on stage: yeah, several times
23. Stolen Anything: No. i tried to still barbie clothes when i was a little girl. I got caught.
24. Cussed: yes, but i try not to
25: Snuck out: no, my m om had bionic ears
26. Been diagnosed with long-lasting physical illnesses:nope
27. Been diagnosed with any mental illnesses: lol. we arent getting in to that
FAVORITE
28. Relative: i cant pick one
29. Color: black, and red, and nick had gotten me to like purple.
30. Season: i love summer, but i also love to bundle up in the winter
31. Holiday: Thanksgiving. Christmas is alway over so quickly and then im dissapointed
32. Day of the week: Friday. I get to see my sweetness again
33. Sport: lol. umm.......do i have to pick just one of the many sports that i am incredible at
34. Class in school: I dont like any of my new classes really. havent learned anything new
35. Non-alcoholic drink: i am a coca-cola girl
36. Alcoholic drink: i dont have one
37. Ice Cream Flavor: mint chocolate chip, with m&m's and caramel. My sweetness introduced me to that
38. Way to have fun: spending time with my love, i used to like to play guitar, reading , writing, sleeping, dreaming, talking, spending time with my love
39. Sit-Down Resturant: does Zazby's count?
40. Fast Food Resturant: does Zazby's count?
41. Websites: chairpage, and blogdrive
42. Computer game: Duck Hunt, that is the best game ever
43. Board game: LIFE!
44. Card game: none
I feel so stupid putting all this as an entry , but it kills time. And that is the goal of the day to kill time. Besides, i needed a break from studying.
Will this be a blemish on my blogging history
Posted at 07:04 pm by shells3
Sep 8, 2003
So tired of crying and then drinking water
Its hard jsut to be here. I hate it. These four tiny walls. Im so sick of them. I hate it . I hate it . I hate it here. I wish i could think of away to explain it. I feel so weak. Like literally weak. I feel so uncomfortale in my own skin. I feel like im gonna throw up. And now im crying again. Dammit. I just want to bury my head in Nicks cheast. Im so tired of holding back tears all day long becuase the time the night time gets here I am insanely lonely and ablsolutly miserable. i feel like the only person who has felt like this. I swear i can really feel my heart breaking . Will this ever go away? During the day i can fool myself into thinking i am ok and i can even fool nick. But i know what happens when we get of the phone in the afternoon. with out fail, i have my afternoon cry. I absolutly fear the sencon that nick says bye to me. Im not happy. Im unahppy. I never realized it would be this terrible. I was so worried about nick before i canme here. He handles it fine, im the one who has a break down everyday. Several times. Its so frustrating . I dont know how to fix this. Its so miserable. I miss nick. I want to hear his voice. I want to cry to him. Even if its just on the phone. I need to know im ok. But deep down , i dont feel like i am. I am so pathetic. I used to kinda enjoy feeling , as stupid as that is. But this is diferent. Its that desperate kinda of sandess. Painful. I can explain it. Drink water. Drink water. Drink water. It stops you from crying. Usaully. This time it didnt work that way. i couldnt get it swolled beucase i was crying. I wonder what nick is doing. I hope he is smiling. I am desperate for him. I am desperate for hapiness. Im just desperate. I cant believe im stuck here. this is my life. The only thing that makes me happiness is thinking about the future. Im just so ready for all this to be over. Does he know how much i need him? You get me through the day. It it werent for hearing your voice twice a day , i dont know what i would do. It keeps me somthing to look foward to. Im so anxious with out me. He is literally my sanity.I wish i could keep myself sane. But right now i just cant . Im tired of pertending to be strong. I cry all day long nick. My face stays swollen. I sit in my damn sliding door closet and cry. Thats why i hate coming back here every sunday. I know what it coming to happen to me. I dont know if i can go on like this.Its just to hard. I am so glad i have a future with Nick. He is my little peice of hapiness. I love you nick. The best part is , I know you love me. I want you to know how important your little phone calls are to me. They get me through the day. Thank you. THank your for making time. I love you. Off to the closet.....
Posted at 08:24 pm by shells3
Sep 6, 2003
The mix of friendship and love is so perfect.
Everything ends up ok in the end. It always does with me and Nick. There is no better feeling in the world then when he is touching me and loving me. Everytime he touches me i regret every cut I ever made in my skin. One reason I always cut myself is i wanted to look as ugly on the outside as i felt on the inside. I had to let the ugliness show. I dont feel that way anymore. I dont feel ugly on the inside. He loves me. Im difficult and he puts up with me. Not only does he put up with me , he loves me. I never want to cut again. He loves me enough that i dont have to make myself ugly anymore. I dont have to punish myself. I know i still get all freaked out, but that is my personality flaw. I will never be perfect. Im close enough for him. I am so much in love with him. He is my beautiful boy. He always will be. He is the most perfect thing God ever made. The way he moves and the way he smiles the way he loves me and the way he lets me love him . I see so much in his eyes. I love his soul. I love his spirit. I love his heart. He takes care of me. He gives me kisses on the top of my head. I love you. I used to be so bitter and dark and anti loves. Then we connected and im in love. Thank you.
Posted at 11:37 pm by shells3
